I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
