He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
My ass is underappreciated
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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