We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
