i don't plan on having that self control this summer
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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