you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
