She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Randomize
