I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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