something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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