I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
