I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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