Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
