I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Fuck appropriateness.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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