Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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