I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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