so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
