I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
