Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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