We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I wish you could order shots online.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
