my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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