I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
