Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
