My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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