So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
