see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
