I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
