I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
