im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
