I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Sorry my hands just texted you
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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