My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
