She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
