2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
