when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
