I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
