Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
