see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
