Jerry, you need to find god
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
