saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
