Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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