The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
