Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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