According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
