ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
