So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
