Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
