I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
