I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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