evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
