Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
