if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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