if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
