dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
There are leaves in my underwear?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
