Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
