Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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