I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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