My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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