Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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