i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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